• Because I am the biggest cat in the house.
• Because I get to eat out of everybody else's food dish first.
• Because I can bat any of the other cats whenever I feel like it.
• Because Meerclar grooms my head when I want her to.
• Because my enemies tremble when I meow.
• Because I'm so cute when I run and slide on hardwood floors.
• Because my mother was a show cat and so I am superior.
• Because I permit my humans to pet me when they're lonely.
• Because I keep everybody in line.

• Race down the hall and slide on the hardwood floor.
• Make the rounds at night before bed to assure myself that all cats and people are in their places.
• Eat the broom straws--you can't eat just one!
• Have fights with the cats on the other side of the window who dare to look in at me and my territory.
• Put Luna in her place.
• Let Meerclar groom me.
• Let Mom or Dad brush my fur (not my tummy, though!).
• Get petted by anybody who comes to visit.
• Eat breakfast and dinner!

• Because I can play with my food and not get scolded.
• Because I don't have to go out and get a job.
• Because my tongue works as a washcloth.
• Because I'm not at the bottom of the Hierarchy!
• Because I can eat earwax and people think it's cute.
• Because I sleep, eat, and poop as much as I want.
• Because I sleep 18 hours a day and nobody calls me lazy.
• Because I wake you up by walking on your head.
• Because I'm cute, even when you're mad at me.

• Stare at the blank spot on the wall.
• Sit in the bathroom and meow. Pretty soon someone will come pick me up and pet me.
• Play the tub game and meow for the humans to turn on the water so I can look at it and bat it once or twice.
• Be Ferocious Kitty and pounce on the Keeter.
• Sit on a chair at the table during dinner and hope Mom and Dad make a mistake and give me a plate.
• Bat Tara, or dream about how I used to bat Tara.
• Snag catnip out of the jug by the pawful and eat it and get really stoned.
• Sit on Mom's lap and get petted and go to sleep.
• Eat canned cat food.

• Because I'm the preeeetiest kitty (& the fuzziest)
• Because I'm the most petted kitty around.
• Because I'm able to knock stuff off the desk and get petted for it.
• Because when people come to visit me, they love me and worship me.
• Because servants (Mom and Dad) bring me food on a plate daily.
• Because the squirrels who watch me think I'm cute (and would taste yummy in my tummy).
• Because Luna & Pakhit & Meerclar have been exiled from my kingdom.
• Because I'm the preeeetiest kitty (I had to say it twice).
• Because the kitty box is mine mine mine mine mine all mine.

Be pretty.
Be very very pretty.
Help Mom clean up her desk by knocking stuff off of it.
Imitate a leaky water faucet by drooling.
Tear up the guts of the catnip monster and spread it all over the floor.
Walk on Mom's keyboard.
Watch the squirrels very menacingly.
Be extremely pretty.
Get petted again.

• Because I'm able to control everything around me (unless Pakhit or Luna bats me).
• Because the coat hanger isn't that scary (this will require more investigation).
• Because Pakhit lets me sleep in the chair next to her.
• Because I LUVVVVV being spanked.
• Because I can play the chair game.
• Because I can run the fastest (stopping is another matter...thunk)
• Because I get Mommy-Meerclar time at night.
• Because I used to be a Russian Blue, which means I have royalty in my blood.
• Because Luna and Pakhit let me eat out of my dish, sometimes.

• Seek out the pile of warm laundry.
• Groom Pahkit.
• Heal up from bat bat wounds that Luna gives me.
• Go up to the window, and shake tail menancely at the cat on the other side.
• Eat kitty treats if Luna lets me get one.
• Jump four feet in the air, because of the paper ball monster that is stalking me and I know it!
• Bolt into the other room, wait five seconds, and then bolt back.
• Play the 'Meow Meow' game (I don't know the rules but I'm very good at it anyway).
• Pretend I'm a veeeeeerrrrry bad girl, so that I will get spanked.