September 1st, 2008 Posted in Daily Life, Interviews, Radio Shows, Etc. | 1 Comment »
Happy Labor Day, people! And Happy September!
Okay, I found three reader questions that had similar themes, in a sense. So I’m answering those today.
Tarynbthorne asked: When you meet up with new people, you’ve got to run into a few jerks. People who see your style of dress, your weight, or your tattoos and see (in their minds, not mine) a misfit in their ordered little society. How do you deal with it? Your site is titled ‘Life on the Fringe’, is it lonely? Just a question. No offense meant and if given I sincerely apologize. As a larger woman with tattoos and weirdness around me generally, I wonder how others cope.
Answer: To be honest, as tattooed as I am, now I seldom hear the nasty cracks that I used to (which were all about my weight. I used to think, “Boys, you’re so lucky I’m not allowed to own a gun.”). I know the jerks are still out there, but I think they may be a little afraid of me now. I don’t have cutesy, gurly tattoos…they’re seriously beautiful and wild, but they’re also big, and kind of scary for some people. Snakes and deer skulls and giant green panther eyes tend to make the ones who would normally be leery of me shy away.
Mostly, to be honest, I have people coming up to me asking me where I got them and who my artist is. I have teenaged boys complimenting me, I have ladies who are in their sixties come over to me and say, “I wish I could have been that brave when I was your age” (I look about ten years younger than I am–or more, according to a number of people). If people are staring at me because of my weight anymore, I don’t think about it so much because I have only heard catcalls two or three times in the past five or six years.
Maybe I’m so far out there that people just don’t know what to think. LOL…though I get complimented a lot on some of my clothes and makeup as well as my tattoos. And it could be something else: I have a lot of confidence now in who I am–even if I’m not happy with my weight, I’m not unhappy with ME or my general looks other than the fact that I’m a bit oversized for my personal comfort zone. I still get hit on by guys–and women–so I guess either the world has opened up a bit since I was younger or maybe I just radiate some sort of energy. A friend of mine told me last year that I am the oddest combination of exotic and domestic she’s ever met–and she meant it as a compliment.
Life on the fringe is a wonderful, exhilarating place and I wouldn’t choose to live anywhere else. Yes, it can be lonely, but I am who I am–I walk my own path–I don’t compromise my essential self for anybody. Even once I reach my goal weight, I’ll still be a large woman, but as I’ve said before, “I’m a sensual, fat, part Cherokee, part Irish, very intelligent, mystical, bisexual witch”…taking a little of the weight out of the equation isn’t going to drive me back into polyester suits or take me off the edge that I live on. *grins* IOW: I don’t apologize for being who I am.
V-Lockhart asked: I noticed on your info about yourself on the side that you started college when you were 15. I was 16 when I started college so I was curious about your experience with this. What were the pros and cons to starting college so early? How do you think this helped you develop as a creative person? Do you think you were emotionally ready and mature enough to handle such a transition? Where there any other people your age at college when you first entered that you knew of?
Answer: Starting college early and skipping high school saved my life. Seriously. I hated my peer group–I grew up in redneck central and to be blunt, I was far too smart for the classes I was stuck with, and I had such a dysfunctional family and was so outside the norm even then that within two weeks of starting seventh grade, junior high became hell on earth for me. Three solid years of emotional torture. There were too many times I sat on my bed, razor blade in hand, trying to figure out why I shouldn’t just slit my wrists. Only my writing kept me going from the time I was 12-15. I knew with a gut certainty that I could make it as a writer but I also knew that it wouldn’t happen if I was dead. So I put away the razor blades.
I had a bit of a breakdown when I was fourteen and did most of my ninth grade year at home–my mother would take my work to school and pick up the next week’s work. And except for home economics (which I hated because I hated sewing, and I could cook far better than my mother by the time I was twelve so the cooking sessions seemed inane), my grades improved once I was doing the work at home.
Then when I started college the next year, everything opened up. It was like a different world. I made friends for the first time in years, people liked me, the classes were interesting, and I didn’t feel like the scapegoat–which I’d become during junior high. You know, the kid everybody picks on because she’s different. I was the youngest student the junior college had ever had, and my grades put me on the honor roll. It felt like I was among sane people again–the kids in junior high had seemed absolutely crazy to me and I just couldn’t do the pep rallies and cheerleader rah-rah thing, and I couldn’t even fit in with the geeks because back then, most of the geeks were boys (girl geeks were *not* popular where I grew up).
The cons? I can’t think of any. I have never regretted skipping high school.
I love you that’s all asked: Are there any events in your life that if they hadn’t happened or had happened differently would drastically changed who you are today? And where and what do you think you would be like if those events hadn’t happened?
Answer: So many things and events that I can’t count them, and so drastic that I have no idea who or what I’d be if they hadn’t happened to me. Let’s see, the bad and the good starting from childhood: being molested when I was four years old; being in a very dysfunctional family; learning to read very early and being taught books were my friend–not my enemy; having a breakdown when I was 14; not learning to drive until I was in my 30s; starting college at age 15; hitchhiking to California when I was 17; getting raped when I was 17; coming over to western Washington and falling in love with the area when I was 18; dropping acid when I was 18-19 (I learned a lot and never had a bad trip, but I knew when to stop); meeting the Goddess in a mystical experience when I was 19 and realizing that I am a witch and the long journey that path has taken me through over the years; majoring in theatre (helped develop my ability to speak in public); marrying an abusive man because I was on the rebound; living in a converted school bus; meeting and marrying a wonderfully loving and supportive man; living through my mother dying; seeing my second husband go from fully mobile to being somewhat disabled and learning to adjust to that; almost choking to death and having a near-death experience; pursuing my goal and achieving it–being a career writer; succeeding at what is a terribly hard career to succeed at and hitting the bestseller charts…
All of these changed the course of my life. All of these events were significant markers/milestones and there’s simply no way to know who I’d be if I hadn’t lived through all of this, if I hadn’t experienced all that I’ve experienced.
I am the sum total of my experiences–I am more than they add up to individually, and without having lived the life I have, I would not be who I am today. This is true for everyone.
Some of the things that happened to me should not have happened. No child should be abused, no wife should be beaten, but it happens, and we have to pick up the pieces and make our lives what we want them to be.
Nobody else can do it for us, and life isn’t fair. So it’s up to us to bring joy into our lives even if we’ve lived in sorrow. It’s up to us to make something out of our lives even if we start at a disadvantage. We may not control everything that happens in our lives, but we have the choice on how we face what happens, and what we become, in the long run.
Okay, questions for the day over. I’m off to get mocha, eat breakfast, and check on the hurricane.
Yasmine